Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You can't special order awesome
it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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