She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
