3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
