Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
