So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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