No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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