I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
