I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
