Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
