does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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