I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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