Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
