Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
