She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
