I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
