If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
