Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
did i walk over a car last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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