"it" just moved
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
