physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
