you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
