fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
