Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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