Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
