is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So squirting runs in the family.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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