gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
