Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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