..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
