Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
