it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
