Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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