They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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