I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
