I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
