Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
