Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
