VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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