Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
