I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
