I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize