in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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