I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
