I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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