remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
