Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
