4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
