she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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