He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
