good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize