How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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