You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
