No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
