eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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