He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
