glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
