Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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