he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
