Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
