you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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