Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
