I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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