i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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