Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
