Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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