Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
