So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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