Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
