tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
