Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
