I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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