I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize