I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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