She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
