Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
