dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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