If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
