you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
