covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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