My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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