You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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