Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
