I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
