So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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